When you have older brothers and sisters, they tend to go off and do their own thing, and you can feel left out and left behind. When I was a kid, we lived on a farm, far away from town and social activities. Being young, I was happy to spend my time with my friends of the bovine and canine variety. But as I came into my early teen years, the urge to be with my friends from school, who lived in town, became more of a draw than the sweet time spent with my favorite cow friends.
One summer day, my older brother’s friend-with-a-car, stopped by to pick him up to go into town. I can’t remember where they were going, but I jumped at the chance to tag along. But the authority in my life, Mom, said, “Absolutely not!” This was the first, and only time, I said those awful, and quickly regretted words— I hate you!”—to my mother. Though I was sorry I said that to her, I was more upset about being left behind.
Recalling those lonely feelings of being left behind reminded me how at the age of twenty-one, I was the cause of someone being left behind. When I chose abortion I purposely left my unborn child at the abortion center. I came into that place with my child secure in my womb and left there childless. There was no redeeming reason to do it. I went along with the selfish reasoning of those involved, and I accepted the deadly plan, because as they said, “It would be for the best.”
Whether we can foresee it or not, self-centered decisions bring about dire consequences. Though I subconsciously knew I’d be leaving there alone, I hadn’t thought about the “me” I’d be leaving with. When I left that abortion center, I left there with a sin clinging to me that hadn’t been there before. I left there with a regret that would never be shaken from me, that would never cease to be the cause of my heart breaking when I thought about it.
Later, when I became a Christian, God gently, scripture-by-scripture, showed me that He had created and had blessed me with that child. He was offering me a gift…a gift of love, but in my ignorance, I didn’t see it that way. I saw a burden and a problem. If only I’d known God was giving me a blessing.
Even though I had left His gift of love behind on that awful day when I was twenty-one, God didn’t stop loving me because of what I had done. Instead, in His love, He showed me how to cope with the pain, He helped me know I was forgiven, and He gave me the example of how to never leave love behind again.
Shining The Light 