Forgiven
Before I knew Christ, I thought my morals were fine. After all, I fit right in with the rest of the world. Sex outside of marriage was the norm. I didn’t have a clue that the love and attention I was seeking from men, could only be found in Christ.
After high school, a man at my workplace piqued my interest just by paying attention to me. We started seeing each other…unbeknownst to his wife. I became pregnant and he urged me to have an abortion. I didn’t want to, but he, his friend and his brother taunted me with, “What would your parents think? “How would you take care of a baby?” And, “It would be best for everyone in the long run.”
They made their point, and carried along with my own concerns, I agreed to have the abortion. When it was all done, I felt a great relief. And I buried the secret.
After that bad relationship ended, I became intimately involved with a man, and became pregnant again. He also pushed me to have an abortion, and once again I didn’t want to, but agreed, thinking it would be best. Afterwards life was much easier without that pregnancy burden, and so on I went, leaving another secret behind.
One day, ten years later, as I was studying for my Anatomy and Physiology class, I came across pictures of the fetus in various stages of development. God must have chosen that moment to bring home to me the terrible things that I had done. When I saw those pictures, I broke down sobbing. Off and on all that day; I wept. And for weeks after, I couldn’t shake the thoughts of what I had done. Those were babies, not just a blob, like some would have you believe. I took my babies’ lives. How could I have done this?
After all those years of feeling relief without regret, I now felt every painful emotion conceivable. I vowed never to have another abortion.
I eventually came to know Christ and found His true love, exactly what I had been so desperately seeking. But I still felt the sting of guilt and shame. So I attended a post-abortion Bible study called, “Forgiven and Set Free,” which was such a blessing. God’s word reached me through that study and I was able to find His comfort and accepted His forgiveness.
Rita Vehon (Member of Central Christian Church of the East Valley)
In Our Hearts
Nearly 24 years ago, at the age of 16, I made a life altering decision. I knew this would change my life for the better…it did, but only temporarily, and life then again changed.
My life story is like most kids raised in the Christian church, but my Christian influence came from my mother, and no religious influence from my father. My sister and I were very involved in church with choir, youth groups, etc. We were baptized together on Easter Sunday when I was 10 and she was 12.
I was always known as the “goodie two-shoes” of my friendship groups, never drank, never did drugs, never had sex, but I did hang out with all the popular kids. I just never felt the peer pressure to do what they were all doing. My parents divorced when I was 13, I lived with my mom for a short period of time, but by the time I was 14, my sister and I were living with my father (the grass always seems greener on the other side; it was not).
When I turned 16 I got my first job at the local K-Mart. Now all I did was go to school and work, not much church anymore, although I did still have faith in God. After a short time working there, I was introduced to a great guy who worked there. All of a sudden I was bitten; I really fell for this guy. He treated me with kindness, respect and gentleness. I was in love.
About 2 months into our dating, we were alone at my house and things went way too far and we ended up having sex. We did have sex a couple more times, and for the very first time, I missed my period. Morning sickness kicked in and I could no longer deny that I was probably pregnant. A friend and I bought a home pregnancy test, sure enough it was positive. My heart sank, my stomach tied in knots, and I began to cry. My friend then shared with me that she had had an abortion and she could help me if I wanted to have one also; certainly NOT, I thought to myself because I knew that is murder and I didn’t want to have to face God with that!
I knew I couldn’t go to my mom. When I told my boyfriend he said, “Whatever you want to do is fine with me, I will support your decision.” What I heard was, “You are on your own with this one and I will not be responsible for whatever you decide.” I went home and cried myself to sleep.
I eventually went in for the abortion even after God had put numerous obstacles in my way. Afterwards, I woke up in a room with my friend sitting next to me and the nurse gave me a little brown paper bag with among other things in it, a 1 month supply of birth control pills, and instructions in case I pass “body parts.” That was it; it was all over.
Fast forward 23 years later, I am married to the man of my dreams now 21 years. My husband is the father of our aborted baby. We now have 3 beautiful children and life is amazing. We have discussed the baby we chose to abort and have also taken this sin to God. We know we are forgiven and we know that one day we get to hold our baby forever in heaven. The pain never goes away, but we have been on a journey together with Jesus to share our story with others in the hope that no more children will be painfully murdered and tossed aside.
There is not a day that goes by that our baby is not in our thoughts or in our lives. We have given him life in our testimony and in finding that truly neither one of us wanted to abort our baby. But Satan the enemy stole him from us through the lies of what abortion does. It makes something go away for a short time, but that something is a life that never really goes away.
Jeannie & Ray Dexter & the Dexter Family Psalm 139: 1-17 & Isaiah 49: 1, 13-17
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
The roaring 20’s is not just the definition of a historical era, it defines the decade of my life that personified everything culturally perverse in our society in the 1970’s. I was a “liberated” woman, I had options, and I exercised them as the need arose.
In my late 20’s I was just finishing up my 4th year in college, having gone back to finish my last 2 years after a 5 year hiatus. One day, coming into the lobby of my apartment building, I ran into another tenant. I barely knew him but we ended up in my apartment. One thing led to another and I became pregnant after the one time we were together. I never saw him again and I never told him I’d become pregnant. A baby was not in my plans. I wanted to graduate and get employment. I wanted to go to graduate school. I was unsure if I could be a good mother and was afraid to try being one as a single parent. So I had an abortion. I don’t remember if I told any of my friends that I’d gotten pregnant or that I was having an abortion, so I shouldered it all alone.
Two years later, almost around the same month, I got pregnant again, and had to face another abortion. This time the guy was my boss’s boss. He was separated from his wife and we went home together after a party. It was another one-night stand and when I got pregnant I didn’t let him know either. Again, I kept the secret and took care of it myself. If I had felt badly the first time, this time was worse. I was so depressed, so sad, but fear and shame were my motivators, and I aborted the baby.
A few years later I was sitting at my kitchen table looking at the Hour of Power while Robert Schuller interviewed a woman who had once been a Director at Planned Parenthood. She described, in excruciating detail, what went on in an abortion. The full weight of my sin overcame me and I sobbed and sobbed through my confession and appeal for forgiveness. I know I received it then and I know that God did not love me less, then or now, for what I did. His love has been mine in spite of my sins and is not conditional. It took me quite a while to recognize that but talking this out with God has shown me how awesome he is. He disapproves of my sins, but not me. Grabbing hold of that has helped me release a lot of the guilt and shame I’ve carried for my abortions.
Just recently I attended a class at Central called “Surrendering the Secret”. I’m so grateful for the few weeks I was in this class. Each question, each thought, each Bible verse, and each woman’s story brought me closer to acknowledging my babies. I even named them, something I’d never considered before.
Whatever my reasons were for having my abortions they are mine and I own them. I don’t have to, nor do I want to, hide from a loving God that has always wanted to set me free. How funny that we humans pick this sin or that, and weigh it more heavily than any other, when they are all sins to God. In spite of how often we mess up, He doesn’t disown us. Rather he finds a way to restore us again in right fellowship with him and makes us clean again.
Over the years I’ve thought of my babies. I denied myself the opportunity of knowing them, of giving them life, but still and all, I’ll meet them one day in heaven. I’m grateful that I’ve been forgiven and that God’s call on my life is still being fulfilled.
Lourdes Carreras (Member of Central)
Shining The Light 